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Posts : 8049
Join date : 2012-05-29
Location : Manchester UK
 |  Subject: ring, ring, hello....?  Sat 06 Apr 2013, 21:41 | |
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There
lived a man who had a madding passion for chili with beans and warmed
baked corn bread He really had a passion for this southern food, but he
always has an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to it. Then one
day, he met a young woman and fell in love with her.
When evidently they would marry, he thought to himself, she is so sweet
and gentle. Also being from up north She will never go for this kind of
carrying on. Therefore, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up the
chili.
They married thereafter. Some months later, his car broke down on the
way home from work and since they lived in the country, he called her
and told her that he would be late getting home because he had to walk.
On his way home, he passed a small mom and pop home made food cafe and
stopped in for a refreshing drink of beer. The odor of freshly cooked
chili and warmed baked corn bread was overwhelming.
Since he had several miles to walk, he figured that he would work off
the effects before reaching home. Before leaving the cafe, he had eaten
three large orders of chili with corn bread with all the fixings.
All the way home he farted, belched and done everything to make the walk
more comfortable. And after arriving home, felt reasonably sure that he
had done his last and got everything out of his system.
His wife seemed somewhat upset but excited to see him and exclaimed;
"Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight." She
then blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table.
He seated himself and just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the
telephone rang. She made him vow that he would not touch the blindfold
until she returned. She then went to answer the telephone.
Seizing the opportunity, he shifted his weight to one hip and lifted
that leg and ripped a good one. It was not only loud, but also as ripe
as day old cat shit. After which he let out a belch the almost shattered
the glasses and then he stood up.
This time he put one of his hands into of his pants up to the elbow and
proceeded to scratch and adjust junior and the twins in the manliest
way.
He took the napkin from his table He then picked his nose and flicked
the object across the table. He then took his napkin and vigorously
fanned the air around him.
Things were just about to return to normal, when he felt the urge come
on again, so he shifted his weight to the other hip and lifted that leg
and ripped another one again, this was a true prize winner. It
registered at lease a 5.5 on the rector scale.
This one rattled the windows and caused the table settings to vibrate on the table.
While keeping his ear on the telephone conversation, he went on like
this for the next ten or fifteen minutes, until he knew the telephone
farewell suggested the end of his freedom.
He placed the napkin in his lap and folded his hands on top of it and
smiling contently to himself. He was sitting there the perfect picture
of innocence.
When his wife returned, she asked if he had peeked and he said no. At
this point, she removed the blindfold and revealed to his surprise.
Twelve dinner guests, who were seated around the table for a birthday
party for him and most, were her family. Who had traveled from another
state and his boss to offer him a promotion to Vice President in charge
of human relations? Not to mention the religious leadership and their
priest from his church.
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