some smiles

Subject: some smiles Sat 20 Oct 2012, 07:52

Sometimes,
when I look at my children, I say to
myself, 'Lillian,
you should have remained a
virgin..'

Lillian
Carter (mother of Jimmy
Carter)[/size]

<><>

]I
had a rose named after me and I was very
flattered. But I was not pleased to read the
description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a
bed, but fine against a wall.'

Eleanor
Roosevelt[/size]

</td></tr></table>

Last
week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I
had ever seen. I have since been visited by her
sister, and now wish to withdraw that
statement..

Mark Twain[/size]

<><>

The
secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning
and a good ending; and to have the two as close
together as possible

George Burns[/size]

<><>

Santa
Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a
year.

-
Victor Borge[/size]

<><>

Be
careful about reading health books. You may die of a
misprint.

Mark Twain[/size]

<><>

By
all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll
become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a
philosopher.

Socrates[/size]

<><>

I
was married by a judge. I should have asked for a
jury.

Groucho Marx

My
wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every
now and then she stops to breathe.

Jimmy Durante[/size]

I
have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds
back.

Zsa Zsa Gabor[/size]

<><>

Only
Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four
essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and
fat.

Alex Levine

<><>

My
luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people
would stop dying.

Rodney Dangerfield[/size]

<><>

Money
can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a
more pleasant form of misery.

Spike Milligan

<><>

]Until
I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP

Joe Namath[/size]

<><>

I
don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.

Bob Hope[

<><>

I
never drink water because of the disgusting things
that fish do in it..

W. C. Fields[

<><>

We
could certainly slow the aging process down if it
had to work its way through Congress

Will Rogers[

Don't
worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older,
it will avoid you.

Winston Churchill[

<><>

Maybe
it's true that life begins at fifty .. But
everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or
spread out..

Phyllis Diller

<><>

By
the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.

Bill y Crystal[

And
the cardiologist's diet: If it tastes
good spit it out.

Sometimes,
when I look at my children, I say to
myself, 'Lillian,
you should have remained a
virgin..'

Lillian
Carter (mother of Jimmy
Carter)[/size]

<><>

]I
had a rose named after me and I was very
flattered. But I was not pleased to read the
description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a
bed, but fine against a wall.'

Eleanor
Roosevelt[/size]

</td></tr></table>

Last
week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I
had ever seen. I have since been visited by her
sister, and now wish to withdraw that
statement..

Mark Twain[/size]

<><>

The
secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning
and a good ending; and to have the two as close
together as possible

George Burns[/size]

<><>

Santa
Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a
year.

-
Victor Borge[/size]

<><>

Be
careful about reading health books. You may die of a
misprint.

Mark Twain[/size]

<><>

By
all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll
become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a
philosopher.

Socrates[/size]

<><>

I
was married by a judge. I should have asked for a
jury.

Groucho Marx

My
wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every
now and then she stops to breathe.

Jimmy Durante[/size]

I
have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds
back.

Zsa Zsa Gabor[/size]

<><>

Only
Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four
essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and
fat.

Alex Levine

<><>

My
luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people
would stop dying.

Rodney Dangerfield[/size]

<><>

Money
can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a
more pleasant form of misery.

Spike Milligan

<><>

]Until
I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP

Joe Namath[/size]

<><>

I
don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.

Bob Hope[

<><>

I
never drink water because of the disgusting things
that fish do in it..

W. C. Fields[

<><>

We
could certainly slow the aging process down if it
had to work its way through Congress

Will Rogers[

Don't
worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older,
it will avoid you.

Winston Churchill[

<><>

Maybe
it's true that life begins at fifty .. But
everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or
spread out..

Phyllis Diller

<><>

By
the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.

Bill y Crystal[

And
the cardiologist's diet: If it tastes
good spit it out.

May
your troubles be less, may your blessings be more,
and
may nothing but happiness come through your
door.

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