Romney's Storm Tips

1. If your home is in the path of Sandy, evacuate to your second or third home immediately.

2. If your home sustains damages fr9om Sandy, ask your parents for money to fix it.

3. Make sure you've moved your cars to the top floor of your garage.

4. Sandy is so violent because she was raised by a single mother.

5. Don't worry about evacuating, if it's a legitimate storm, your house has a way of shutting itself down to protect itself from damage.

6. My prayers and thoughts go out to 53% of you.

7. 53% of you will be fine. The other 47% I couldn't care less about.

8. If you survive, I'll take credit for it.

9. If you must drive in the storm, use extra-strength to secure your dog to the roof of the car.

10. Everyone chill out. Sandy will end earlier than male named storms. She has dinner to get on the table.

11. I actually have a bunch of storm survival tips, but I'm not going to tell you any of them until after the election.

12. Everyone in the path of the storm: don't be a victim and stop looking for handouts!