Relationship Rules

1. The female makes the rules.

2. The rules
are subject to change by the female at any time
without prior notification.


3. No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document
the
rules are not permitted.

4. If the female suspects that the male may
know some or all of
the rules, she must immediately change some or all of
the rules.

5. The female is never wrong.

6. If the female is
wrong, it is because of an egregarious
misunderstanding which was the direct
result of something the
male did, said, did not do, or did not say.


7. If rule 6 is invoked, the male must apologize immediately
for
having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any
clues from the
female as to what he did to have caused the
misunderstanding. See rule 13.


8. The female may change her mind at any time for any reason
or no
reason at all.

9. The male is never permitted to change his mind or
under
circumstances without the express written consent of the female

which is given only in cases where the female wanted him to
change his
mind but gave no indication of that wish. See rules
6, 7, 12, and 13.


10. The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason,

real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which
in her
sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to
be given any sign
of the root cause of the female's being angry
or upset. The female may,
however, give false or misleading
reasons to see if the male is paying
attention. See rule 13.

11. The male must remain calm at all times,
unless the female
wants him to be angry or upset.

12. Under no
circumstances may the female give the male any clue
or indication whether or
why she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The male is expected to read
the mind of the female at all
times. Failure to do so will result in
punishments and penalties
imposed at the sole discretion of the female.


14. The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any

past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and

modify, enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to

demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been
wrong,
insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish.

15. The female
may use her interpretation of any past occurrence
to illustrate the ways in
which the male has failed to accord her
the consideration, respect,
devotion, or material possessions, he
has bestowed on other females,
domestic pets or barnyard animals,
sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles,
boats, aircraft, or
co-workers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable.


16. If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the

female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behaviours she wishes

without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human

behaviour.

17. Any act, deed, word, expression, statement,
utterance, thought,
opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole,
subjective
interpretation of the female, other external factors not-

withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons,

extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Abject
please
for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some
circumstances,
especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.