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December 2020


 Indian Fun

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Join date : 2012-05-29
Location : Manchester UK

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PostSubject: Indian Fun   Indian Fun Icon_minitimeMon 24 Jul 2017, 16:24

Speaking of Indians, let me tell you about one of the greatest Indian Chiefs who ever lived in the West. His name was Chief George Cake. The chief was famous for finding the lost troop train for the army. He found it by following its tracks.

George was a very small Indian. He stood less than four feet tall. A lot of people called him Shorty. But he was big in stature.

To prove himself he married three women. Each one lived in a grand teepee. The first lived in a teepee made from horsehide, the second in a teepee made from the hide of a bear, and the third in a teepee made from the hide of a hippopotamus.

Within a year the first one gave birth to a son.

Shortly after, the second wife gave birth to a son.

Then the third wife gave birth to twin sons, which proved that THE SQUAW OF THE HIPPOPOTAMUS IS EQUAL TO THE SONS OF THE SQUAWS OF THE OTHER TWO HIDES.

Well one day Georgie Boy was crossing the Prairie and he was trampled to death by a bunch of buffaloes. (Wait a minute. Its herd of buffaloes. What? Herd of buffaloes. Of course I heard of buffaloes. The chief was run over by a bunch of them.)

Anyway, poor George was dead.

Because of his greatness all the tribe Elders decided to hold a wake for him. They wanted the Great Spirit to give them a sign on the proper way to dispose of such a great leader.

They put the chief atop a funeral pyre and then they sang prayer songs to the God of the Little Dipper and drank a concoction of whiskey laced with Lipton tea.

All night long they sang, "COME ON BABY LIGHT MY PYRE" but nothing happened.

They drank so much of their drinks that they passed out. The whiskey made them so drunk that they couldnt get up to relieve themselves. Since they had also drunk so much Liptons they had to lay around all night in their TEA PEE.

During the night, one of Shortys wives snuck his body out of the camp and had a very private burial under a Joshua tree out on the prairie.

She then made her son a dinner of Chinese noodles. He ate them on top of a carved tree depicting the history of his father.

It was said that this was the first time anyone ever heard of LO MEIN ON A TOTEM POLE.

This was the same son who had a degree in Electrical Engineering from MIT. The same son who decided to put electric lights in the outhouse on the Indian lands.

Yes, you guessed it, he was the first one to WIRE A HEAD FOR A RESERVATION.

When the Elders finally sobered up, they went looking for the body. They questioned everybody in the tribe to see if anyone knew the whereabouts of the chiefs remains. The camp snitch, a brave named rattlesnake also known as a TATTLE TAIL, finally told them what happened with these immortal words, "SQUAW BURY SHORTCAKE."

One of the Elders did not fully recover from his night of drinking and teaing. He began suffering from stomach pains. He called the medicine man and insisted that he be cured.

The medicine man removed a thong of elk hide from around his neck and instructed his patient to bite off, chew and swallow an inch of the leather every day for thirty days. The Elder agreed

After 30 days the medicine man returned to the Elder and asked how he was feeling. The Elder replied, "THE THONG HAS ENDED, BUT THE MALADY LINGERS ON."
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